and she will be loved... [entries|friends|calendar] Ché [ website | pictures (new) ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[01 Feb 2006|02:29am] I don't use this journal any more. Looking back at the entries causes me to realize that this person isn't me anymore. I've changed a lot since even July! My new journal is http://www.livejournal.com/~____________ Most of those entries, about 90%, are private. The public ones are pretty useless but you might be interested. Comments: glitter.

I realize I'm shallow. [14 Jul 2005|01:14pm] I think I've decided that after I move and start school, I'm going to end this journal. This is my third year with it and my life is completely changing and I want a fresh new journal to start with. Besides, the contents of this journal are useless ramblings, friends I no longer speak to, family things I'd much rather forget.. and a lot of high school bull shit. I'll always look back at this, because hell this reflects so much of who I am and who I've been. But I want to start something new. It only seems appropriate for the new life I'll soon be leading. I'm not sure, we'll see. Comments: glitter.

[12 Jul 2005|11:47am] I've been home for two days and ah, it's been fun. Sunday we flew in, and were home by 4:45. I showered, sorta unpacked a bit, saw my Tony =) and then Matt Andrew and Honeycutt came over. I have not seen Matt in God knows how long, Andrew too. So we went down to Seaside and gambled away our quarters on the horse-racing game. But, 1,600 points later we were pimped out with prizes. Matt's cap gun "Ima bust a cap", airplanes, some weird ball game... tons of crap. Then, I payed $10 for andrew to throw darts at balloons and we got a funnel ( or as they call it beer bong ) out of it. Yeah, I snatched that up. Matt and Andrew also won some fish.. "My fish won't fight, it has spots! Its missing a fin, they ripped me off" lol. Anyway didn't get home til around 2ish. Talked to Jon then passed out for about 12 hours. Then yesterday I went to the mall with Tony and made him buy a gooood shirt instead of the one he picked out. Then went to his house for dinner, tried to give britt the Tattoo rum but she didnt want it. Then me and tony went to Seaside, but first stopped at Marissas. At seaside we basically just talked forever since we hadn't seen eachother in awhile. So far, we have 3 bets going, each has a wager of $1. TONY- I totally am winning the one bet I can control. jerk. Today I go back to work which really sucks. I realized tho I have like.. 3 weeks until dominican.. and so I have 3 weeks to save $1000. So not happening!!! aaah!!! =( =( =( Jesus help. Oh and me and Jael cleared things up again. It's good because I really was hating on her. But I'm going to be the friend Matt deserves and truly give her a chance. Comments: glitter.

[10 Jul 2005|10:00am] I started up with crack addict again. troubles a'brewin! Comments: glitter.

[05 Jul 2005|10:47pm] So today we went to the water park. First off, last night when I was at Uncle wayne's I somehow smacked my foot really hard on a chair and it left a bruise. So I'm walking today and it hurts a little but no big deal. So at the park me and britt are walking down these stairs and ofcoarse everything is wet and I slipped. I fell pretty hard and smacked my right heal up real bad and my right elbow too. my elbow hurt for awhile but was fine but because of my heal I was limping all day. So, I used to be a complete dare devil, and water parks...forget about it. There used to be nothing that could stop me. But today we realized I've changed because there was this one slide where ur on this sled thing.. and me and britt were gunna race and right before we went I got off and was like, forget it. Im way too scared. So she waskidna bustin me a little so later on we saw the High Slide.. it was friggen high as hell and steep as hell too and britts like come on lets go. So to redeem myself and show my sister I wasnt such a nerd I was liek yeah lets go. So she goes down and ofcoarse everythings fine... then it was my turn. Well some how I go down at a weird angle and midway through get flipped onto my stomach and hit my right arm SO hard. So i come to a bumpy, scary, violent stop and my top is WAYY up and my bottoms are WAYY down. I try to fix my self but everyone on the bottom got a good view. But the thingthat sucked the most, and still sucks, is that I really hurt my arm, especially my left elbow. its all bruised inside and kinda swollen and it hurts like a mother. So... one trip to the water park and I come home with both arms really busted and a limp. As britt put it... Only Che. Comments: 1 shine * glitter.

[27 Jun 2005|12:11pm] Looking on all the things I've written or sworn to in the past, and how differently I feel now on those same issues/people/experiances.... I'm forced to notice my own growth... and my own failure. Reading this list of "things I will never get over" really shocked me. Because so many of those things, I am over. I hardly think about. I've had closure or I've moved on. It makes me realize that nothing in life is certain. The one's who say they'll always be there most likely wont. That one thing you swear you'll never do might be the most appealing decision later on. The things that hold you down and keep you from moving on will, one day, be light enough to toss away. And the problems, stresses, and dramas of now will eventually be so irrelevant when compared to the rest of your life that you may have trouble even remembering them. It's strange how someone who is your life today might be nothing more than a faded memory later on. And it's almost inconceivable how the huge life crises's that we all go through will actually be over. Those crises's that kept me up worrying, crying, and sick to my stomach are almost too far away to reconnect with. Thinking of all this makes me realize that the continuous movement of life is the only thing you have to rely on. People will disappoint you, major plans will fall through, your life will at times feel like it's falling apart. But luckily, everything keeps pressing on, even when you wish it wouldn't. And because of this, the bad times pass. Yeah, the good times pass as well, but it's the times of struggle that help form us. And it's the truly unbearable times that make us appreciate the times of peace and happiness even more. I've changed, I've grown, and I'm still changing. Some things about me have changed for the better, and some for the worse. But regardless, I'm continuing to press on. I'll never let go of my past, but I won't let it hold me down either. I can't be scared of taking risks because of other things I've gone through. Because, luckily, you learn from each experience and mistake. So, just because it didn't work out one way doesn't mean it's all going to end the same way the next time youre in a similar situation. I guess, basically, everything you go through can be a learning experience. Even the worst situation possible... because I've been through some crazy shit, can be turned into atleast something kind of positive. My whole thing is if you let the bad experiences stay simply bad experiences, then it all is just a waste. Dating that person was a waste of time, having that job or taking that risk.. it was all just a useless amount of time. But if you take the bad things, the mistakes, the times you wish had never happened, and learn even the smallest lesson or learn even the smallest bit about yourself, it all suddenly wasn't a waste at all. So every experience I have, I try and learn something. Because quite honestly, I refuse to waste my time. And I refuse to hate. And I refuse to ever look back and think, "There is absolutely nothing good about that period in my life." You only live once, and I won't let any of my life be considered a waste. So, here's to taking risks, here's to learning how to live with your past, and here's to a rocky, exciting, at times horrible and all together wonderful future. Comments: glitter.

[24 Jun 2005|09:10pm] Mini tiny panic attack. So moving to tennessee is kinda freaking horrifying. oiyyyyy, the things I get myself into I want to and all but hell... its so far away. and my mom doesnt want me taking a car. and and and, the list continues. but it will be O K. JESUS, will make it okay... Tennessee. Dear God. Comments: glitter.

[20 Jun 2005|03:22pm] So, today is graduation. Honestly, these fours years have gone by faster than I could have expected. At times, they were pure hell. Other times, I loved it. I remember writing in a journal, sophmore year, ranting about how great being 16 was and how I was so happy I wasn't yet a senior. But today that all ends. So much has happened since freshmen year. I've had my heart broken so many times as I fell head over heels over so many guys. I've tried to learn who I am, figure out what I want in life and out of myself. Slowly, I've gained more confidence. Friend wise, I've gone through it all. High school is kind of like a filter. In the beginning you have all these friends, but as we've gone on, I've filtered out the fakes and backstabbers. My friends are real, and I love them. To think that I won't see them everyday is almost surreal. But the biggest changes are the ones to come. In 2 months I'll be leaving home and moving to Tennessee. I'm embarking on a whole new stage. I hope I'm ready yeah, but I don't know if I am. Sitting here, I'm teary eyed. Not because of FTHS, that place can burn down. But because of all the memories it helped create. Kathleen, remember everything? Hood dawgs, winterfests... theres no point in going on, because I know you remember it all. In the end, academically I won't remember a thing. I can hardly look back now and tell you what each day was like because I slept through most of school anyway. But, socially, emotionally.... these really have been an enriching four years. Luckily, highschool is one of the tiniest fractions of life, and sooo much more is beginning than ending. But just know, I truly love you guys, and thank you for everything. Fourever years Kat. Comments: glitter.

[14 Jun 2005|10:11am] So yesterday after school 16 of us went to the Mongolian booooffet, as sunny calls it. After being 20 bucks short on the bill due to stingy ass kids, me kat sunny and arbie hit up burlington. Me and kat found the ugliest, most old lady underwear we could find and put them on, modeled.. took pictures. The lady in charge of the dressing room didnt like it... (but thats bc she was wearing the exact same underwear) Afterwards I bought a scrap book, watched Kinsey, and it was all chill. Okay, bell rang. Dechen says I do not have issues.. im totally normal lol. Until later, stalkers arent stalkers until theyre caught <3 Comments: glitter.

[13 Jun 2005|10:58am] Im sitting in my last 'full day' of school, but its not even a full day today because our whole district gets out early due to the heat. Awesome, but we've deff had hotter days. On Saturday me tony and kristen went to hibachi...soo good. So much food though. Afterwards we picked up britt and maria and though we meant to go to seaside we ended up at point pleasant. I went on TWO rides and almost threw up everywhere..dis gus ting. I need to save up my money BELLS RINGING, LATER Comments: 1 shine * glitter.

[08 Jun 2005|08:33am] Last night I read “Hes Just Not That Into You.” And it really opened my eyes, let me tell you! Already I know I’m not going to put up with any more shit because, as Greg put it, I don’t want to waste the pretty. Now I’m reading a book called “Smashed” which is basically this girls account on how she started drinking so very innocently and how it progressed as she got older. It’s kind of boring sometimes because I hate when they use a lot of words to describe something that can be so simple. I feel like sometimes authors ramble. But if I really pay attention, her images and words really do capture the atmosphere very well. I just need to pay more attention. Finally, books. I haven’t read in so long and when I do it’s like it’s fueling the writer in me. My creativity is letting out a long sigh of “finally you dumb ass, you’re reading again.” And with reading comes writing. If I really want to be successful in these next years, I need to exercise my gift. Plus, reading (and writing) is fun. Wow, my teachers would love to hear me say that. I never will. Anyway, the security at our school sent Brittany home yesterday. J-E-R-K-S. Graduation is 12 days away… 12 days of torture! Until later, if you have to wonder if he cares about you, he doesn’t. Oh, PS! I don't think I have jealousy issues. People just give me reasons to be jealous =) but that gets squashed real quick, bc I'm too cocky to let myself be jealous for too long ha..jk....kinda..=P Comments: glitter.

[07 Jun 2005|02:18pm] Listen to your heart, theres nothing else you can do. I don't know where youre going and I don't know why, but listen to your heart before you tell him good-bye Today was senior cut day. So all day I've been out tanning, and then I took britt to lunch. I still need to deposit my money, go to party fair, go look for a digital camera, and go to the dentist (not in that order). But first I need to take another shower. I just can not wait to graduate-June 20th. It can't come too soon. You know what would be nice? Summer Love. Not real love, because I'm leaving in August.. but something great. I would like that. But who knows whats in store, I'm not anxious or needing anything. Im just chill...like always. Me and B were out in the back tannin and this old man and his grandkid were a little too close and staring, disgusting. Okay-I really need to get away from this computer, it's way too nice out. Until later, rely on yourself. Comments: glitter.

Rolls [06 Jun 2005|07:29pm] I hate being put in the position where I have to say something, but I know it's not going to be a fun conversation and I don't know how the other person is going to react. But I'm getting better at confrontation which is a good thing. Had a "first" fight tonight. Not the highlight of my day, but not the worst part of my day either. The worst part of my day was def looking at pictures from wildwood. Me+bathing suit does not=good lol. Oh man. Im going to the mall with Tony, we need to talk about ourselves to eachother for a while. Thats not a joke either =) Lately I realized I cry. No I'm not a cry baby, or one of those girls whos searching for attention, but I do cry. This is completely okay, but it's so different because there was once a time in my life where I would never cry. Sometimes, I'm just such a girl. Until later, nothing in life is certain, other than death and God. Comments: glitter.

[05 Jun 2005|10:19pm] Prom and wildwood were a lot of fun. But I'm beyond exhausted so I'll update some other day. Comments: glitter.

[28 May 2005|10:04pm] When I come back.. I will have something to write in here. Comments: glitter.

[24 May 2005|11:30am] Today Im working. But not until 4 so for the one hour I have to myself after school.. I don't know what to do. I really have to go pee but my teacher won't let me.. so I think I have to escape. shes screaming at me, time to bust a cap Comments: glitter.

[22 May 2005|01:36pm] Okay I got my housing assignment for the fall; Nora Chambers Hall =/ darn. They dont even have wireless internet in that hall.. I'm nervous about this whole thing. So much money that I just don't have you know? And I need to keep up a really good GPA to keep my scholarship, and I have to get car insurance there and on and on and on. And my RA's look like BITCHES. my friend described it like this- The guy RA's are just doing it to get free rooms, so after the first week, theyre pretty laid back. But the girl RA's are doing 'God's Will' and therefore take it very seriously. But, in my hall, theres this one RA named Mindy.. and she's good friends with the schmidts and has a thing for CJ, so if she's my RA I have a feeling I'll be getting away with everything more easily than if I have any of the other girls. I can't wait though to hear from my roommate, I'm interested to see if she's cool. I hope she is like me and will have my back if I'm out, and vice versa. I don't want any little girl whose been sheltered her whole life, but hopefully the RD's did a better job than that. Ah, later. Comments: glitter.

[21 May 2005|11:34pm] So whats up. Lastnight me and tony made dogfood dip and chilled in the hottub. thats my weekend. Today I registered my pool passes, went back to sleep for 4 hours, worked 3-11, tanned, and here I am. its only 11:30 but im too tired to go out ha.. bc Im a lazy, lazy bum. Tomorrow I'm planning to go to church maybe. then im working work work work my mom got my progress report, flipped out, then turned ok about it. I just want 1)to see jon (2)to graduate (3) to go to dominican (4) start college Oh, and make/save a lot of money. Everything else is just filler Comments: glitter.

[19 May 2005|11:14pm] Prom is about 2 weeks away. Me+Britt=CRASH DIET 2005 Comments: glitter.

[18 May 2005|11:34am] I am tired and cold and miserable right now. I just want to go home and get in comfortable clothes, curl up, get warm and never leave. But I can't, because I have detention today. And then, I have to go to the dentist. By the time I get home tonight it'll be past 8, and you cant take a nap at 8.. that'll just turn into sleeping heh. NOT to mention I have cramps too =( I look as exhausted as I feel... And Im kinda hungry. gripe gripe gripe, complain complain. I need a nice big sweatshirt.. a nice comfy desk.. and very understanding teachers. Right. NOW. xx Comments: 4 shine * glitter.

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